A little kindness

I struggle.
With liking myself, knowing my worth, being a good person.
I struggle.
With laziness,  giving up, will power.
I hope.
That I will do better, that I am worth it, that this time will be different.

image

Today was different.
Today I went to boot camp, drank the smaller coffee, had the salad with dinner.
Today I knew I was worth it.

Advertisements

What I gave Wednesday

We have too much stuff. It’s so easy to say we… when really I mean “I”. I have all this stuff in my small sweet one bedroom condo. And some of it has been in the same box or stored in the same corner since I moved in… about 2ish years ago.
Embarrassing really.
Especially when you consider that I work for a company that thrives on taking people’s “stuff” and turning it into other people’s “stuff”.
So Wednesday is now focused on slimming some of my items and donating some of my goods.

So… what did I give this Wednesday? 

image

That bag is full of all my “eventually” clothes. The stuff I hope to fit back into, and some of the stuff I hope to never fit back into. Shirts that I swim in, and those that I wish were a tad longer. Pants that would fit 3 years ago, and some with tags still on them.
I’m tired of the stuff that makes me feel guilty and the shirts that mock me saying I will balloon up more.
So I’m donating them.
I’m sending a bag of clothes to a brand new home.
I need to give more, simplify more, etc and so on.

But I also need to accept where I am now. Knowing that I want to improve but that doesn’t make me less of a person.
Pretty hefty thoughts for one bag of clothing. 

And it was HOT

Savannah

 A few weeks ago I was given a huge opportunity and gift. I was able to go to Fitbloggin’ in Savannah Georgia. A conference I have followed since it’s inception and wishing I could go, and yet stopping myself because… My blog isn’t a big blog, I’m not in great shape, I don’t really have the time… and lots of different other excuses. 

My dear friend Emily actually engineered my trip and helped eliminate my excuses and before I knew it, I was on a road trip to Savannah nervous and anxious about the weekend ahead. The first night was tough, I actually called my boyfriend in a panic, homesick and tired. He encouraged me to go have fun… (and probably let him get back to work) I unpacked in my room, freshened up. And went to the main area… 

I would love to say from there it was roses and bubbles and puppies and that all my fears were foolish. They were and they weren’t. If you know me and have for awhile it may be hard to believe but I get really anxious in new settings. It’s weird and odd and I’m usually a fan of “fake it til ya make it”. I do feel like near the end of the weekend I stretched myself more to meet people. There are a few people I regret not speaking with or getting a pic with. 

Fitbloggin’ is a different conference all together. It’s amazing like that. I walked in the room and made a name badge and started seeing people whose blogs I have read, literally, for years. The first night I shared dinner with a few new friends and loved hearing people try different southern foodage at the hotel. Several times in the weekend I would wander up to a group, grab a seat and hang out. Never once did I feel like I didn’t belong. 

I attended several different conference sessions and you can find the schedule here. I went to beautiful Tybee Island – it’s a quick 20-30 minute drive. I went on a movie tour and saw where the feather scene from Forrest Gump was filmed. Gump is in my top 5 favorite movies. Tom Hanks is in my top list of those who I most want to have a beer with. But I digress. 

20140628_132042

BUT the Fitbloggin’ Danielle, what did you learn? How is your life going to change? Well that’s tough. I went to great sessions, so lets circle back to that. 

The Introvert’s Guide to Blogging – LOVE it, some great advice and reminders that what I do here is for me. But I do care about you too. All 3 of you. 🙂 

Weight Loss: Maintain the MOJO! – LOVE it, let’s get this show on the road! Let’s do the hard work. Let’s get physical, physical.. yea! (cue Olivia Newton John and Spandex)

Use Your Words to Change Your Life – Oh the feels. The take away’s I got in there were pretty deep on a personal level. I have to evaluate why I use the verbiage I use. I need to not discount myself. And I need to realize that not everyone means more than what they say… sometimes they just mean what they say. Whoa. 

Fitblogger Tough Love – Oh em gee – The things I think about that session. Full disclosure, I didn’t want to attend this session. I knew it was going to hit me in the face and that I am way to lax on myself in so many ways. There was a great discussion about what a great, accepting, loving community we are.. and how sometimes we need to actually call one another on our backsliding and waning motivation. We voted on awesome hashtags to use when giving others and ourselves some tough love towards our goals. #tribelove and/or #justtrollin 

ZUMBA: 80’s Dance Party – I have only ever done Zumba in the privacy of my own home with the shades drawn and no one able to see me. I had the best time in this class. I wish Sue and Sam had a Skype option, because I would give them all of my monies. 

What did I learn? What keeps returning to my head: Sue in our Tough Love session said “You can love yourself and still want to lose weight.” That’s my huge take away. So that’s what I’m working on, right now. Realizing that I can love myself and where I am, and do better today in my goal to lose weight. 

My other huge take away is that there needs to be a quick beginner session on how to take a selfie… because I suck at it and therefore none of mine will be shown here. 

20140627_170102

* Full disclosure, I have purposely not linked to everyone’s blog in this post. Primarily because I know that I would miss someone and / or mess up a link to the wrong place. Please Please Please visit the fitbloggin page and see all the info and goods and amazing things. 

 

Keeping my head down and my mouth shut

I love to talk. It’s a known fact, and for about a month now I have been almost voiceless. Bronchitis right before my epic wonderful vacation (more on that later) and no real rest since then. Needless to say I have lost my voice for awhile now and haven’t been as vocal as I like to be. 

It depresses me. Because I love to talk. I love words. I can’t even laugh. 

But it has been a good thing. I have been able to, kinda, for the most part, keep my head down and my mouth shut-ish. 

Maybe this has been needed. I have needed to rely on the boyfriend to speak for me. I have had to trust him to be there. That’s something I struggle with. 

And although I have stepped back from the gym, I haven’t crapped out on the food. Even on vacation, I enjoyed a few slurges – but I didn’t lose my head. I was active and got in tons of steps daily. I slept deeply and learned that I don’t really get seasick. 

And I was reminded that this life is mine to live now. Not when I hit a numbered goal or size. But Now. When it’s messy and hurried and perfectly mine. 

Learning Patience

I am not the most patient person in the world. I get in the car already wanting to be at the destination. On road trips I try to shave off time in any way possible, ie. eating in the car, using bathrooms only when filling up with gas, taking direct instead of backroads. I am on a mission. 

Then I started dating the boyfriend. And while I’m not perfect I do realize that he is an enjoy the journey kind of guy. He sees the bigger picture and will wait hours for a 5 minute interaction. 

So where am I going with this? Get to the point Danielle. 

I want to lose 100 pounds. I would like to lose 30 by my next Doctors appointment in Jan of 2014. That gives me a chance to stay accountable during my upcoming vacation and through the holidays. 

I guess what I’m saying is, that I’m ready to do this for the long haul. What ever that may mean. I’m in it and ready. And I want to enjoy the journey and not focus on the end. There will be detours and backroads and re-evaluations.

But I’m ready. Just keep reminding me okay? 

The mayors 5k

Boyfriend and I have officially signed up for the Mayors 5k in November. 3.1 miles to do with our closest Davidson Co. residents. The price is right (free) and the time is right (Sunday afternoon so he can still work 1/2 a day). 

How I thought signing up would go as a couple: Beautiful starlit park with birds chirping and water gurgling as we hit submit together. (back off, I have a VERY overactive imagination) 

How it went: I found out he signed up via every link of social media he uses as he posted queries encouraging other people to sign up as well. I signed up during a lunch break at work in between bites of salad. 

How I thought the 5k would go: We would train together and walk the 3.1 miles together finishing as a team. 

How I’ve been told it will go: Boyfriend – “I’m gonna run it with the people I play volleyball with and when I get done I’ll come back and finish again with you…” 

How it’s going to go: I’m going to train and be comfortable walking 3 miles so the day of when I’m nervous and trying to avoid shame talking myself, my body will take over and I will do this thing. 

Starting at the Middle

Again. 

I use to write at mayorofthebux.com and I still write occasionally at daniwritesnow.wordpress.com but it was so much pressure to write and deliver content that I felt was appropriate to healthy living and blogging. So I stopped. And I didn’t write for a long time. I thought of posts and content and wrote a few drafts… but they were and probably are never going to be published. 

And then I let my site expire. And I felt relief. And I realized that should tell me something. I started out writing because it feels right to me. I am in love with words. I am in love with communication through written words and on the page. 

I’m not starting over. But I am starting from where I am.  

And for once, I think that’s okay.